Why I Lost All My Confidence in Middle School

Dr. Tyler Hales: Well, I'm excited, uh, to have you on the podcast today. Uh, so wanted to introduce Brian Harris. This is one of my biggest mentors. I'm Dr. Tyler Hales, host of the Confidence Question podcast. We are on this journey to really understand what confidence is. And Brian, when I say that, what is it that comes to mind? What is confidence?

Dr. Brian Harris: I think confidence is feeling, feeling okay with, with who you are. Confidence is like recognizing like, hey, this is who I am, this is what I'm really good at, these are also my weaknesses, but like accepting accepting all of it. You know, that's kind of how I've learned to see it over the years. And, you know, I try not to dwell in the areas of my life where I'm just not as talented, and I try to focus more on the areas where I excel. And I feel like that is the definition of confidence for me.

Dr. Tyler Hales: I love that. When we look at your journey, we've talked a lot about your life and my life and how we've gotten to this point. You come from a family of— your dad was a really well-known dentist, right? So you grew up in this world, um, and at the same time a lot of your brothers are in dentistry or doing the lab work, um, and really you've kind of elevated your brand bigger than anyone in the family.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Put that energy back into the work. I'm Dr. Tyler Hales. Follow the show so you don't miss what's next. This question doesn't have one answer. That's why we keep asking.

Dr. Tyler Hales: When you were growing up, or at what point do you feel like you really stopped being a dentist and really understood kind of the potential you had?

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, I think that journey, it's different for everyone. Yeah, I think that— And I feel like everyone goes through, you know, that realization like at a different stage in their career. I think if we're speaking professionally, for me it was probably, probably 10, 15 years into my career. You know, I had always been a good dentist. I had done a lot of different procedures. Really well, I thought. And I started to do more and more cosmetic dentistry and changing smiles. And I think I just recognized that, like, hey, I'm good at this. And if I want to be the best at this, that I just need to only do this and go all in on this. And that was a big leap of faith, you know, to leave all the other stuff behind that I knew that I could do well. To go all in on something that I knew I was one of the best at, you know, was a huge leap. But it ended up being probably the most rewarding thing for me professionally because the more I did, the better I got, the more confident I got. And, you know, it's interesting looking back now. I mean, it's been, what, almost 12 years since that leap of faith.

Dr. Tyler Hales: When you're going through this, was there a moment where you kind of felt not confident and kind of questioned yourself of whether you could achieve kind of this level of success that you're having?

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, I think everybody gets imposter syndrome. You know, there was a time where I was like, wait, you know, people see me as an expert at this thing, but like, am I really that good at it? And, and I think anytime that I would compare myself to other people, like, that's where I would get in this this place of scarcity or this place of fear of like, you know, not really believing in my true gifts. But the more I focused on my patients, the more I focused on the people I was serving, the more I recognized like, hey, it's not about everybody else out there, it's just about the people that I'm working with, you know, and how they saw me. And the more I focused on the relationships, then then just the easier it got.

Dr. Tyler Hales: You've obviously played a huge role in my journey within cosmetics. You set a great example for me on how you can take dentistry and focus in and become the expert in one area, right? And that— you've been a confidence builder for me because I always saw what you were achieving. I was like, okay, like, it's possible, right? I think that you've established not just confidence in your patients, but through example You know, your example in dentistry where in, in the past dentistry was always just like your, your Yellow Pages, your bread and butter in your area, you know, you could never really see, really couldn't touch outside of a market in your, in your vicinity, right? And that's kind of what I went into dentistry thinking that, you know, okay, you can do your, your local community, but it's hard to get in a reach outside of that. Right, and I remember the first time I heard about you was actually one of my friends, and she told me she's going to get her veneers done by you in Arizona, and she lives in California. And I could not understand that. To me, at that point, I was so limited in my mindset where I was like, dude, why are people leaving the epicenter of cosmetics, California, and going to Arizona to do this? Right, but seeing that example just gave me confidence of like, hey, like, not to knock you, right? To say that everyone can do it. Like, you've obviously established that, but it can be done. It just needs to be able to understand the works behind it.

Dr. Brian Harris: I remember that conversation. I remember what was crazy about it is you were, you were still so young in your career and And I remember, I almost feel like it ignited a fire within you though, because like it was shortly after that, I think you had come to one of my courses, but shortly after that I saw you attending like all these other like courses from, from amazing cosmetic dentists. And, and then I started to see your work on social media and like how, how good it was and how quickly it was progressing. You're still like, I tell your story all the time when I lecture and speak. You're still probably the best example of somebody that I've seen, like, really envision their true potential and then chase it and like go after it. And I mean, look at what you've done just in the last 10 years. It's been pretty remarkable.

Dr. Tyler Hales: So yeah, thanks. I mean, it's fun. I enjoy what we do, like, and we do make an impact with those around us, you know? I wanna play a little game with you.

Dr. Brian Harris: Let's do it.

Dr. Tyler Hales: I'm gonna talk about a situation, right? We want to understand confidence. That's the whole point of this podcast, and I want you to rate it 1 out of 10 about how confident a person needs to be in this situation.

Dr. Brian Harris: Okay.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Okay. So starting a conversation with a stranger, I would say—

Dr. Brian Harris: I mean, I would say you got to be pretty pretty confident, you know. I would say like, let's say like 7 out of 10. There's always that fear of like being rejected, or are they gonna think I'm crazy? Because we've all been in those situations where someone next to you on the plane starts talking to you and you're like, ah, now, now is not the time. I don't want to be talking right now. So you don't ever want to be that for someone else. But, you know, I feel like it, it takes, I would say 7, 7 out of 10.

Dr. Tyler Hales: I know this question makes me laugh because I remember at our last conference we talked about kind of opening up to strangers, right?

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah.

Dr. Tyler Hales: And you told us about that experience in the elevator.

Dr. Brian Harris: Can I share that again?

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah. Tell me that. Tell me that story.

Dr. Brian Harris: Well, so we had— we had just— we were masterminding together and we talked about like just, you know, being confident and, and And just speaking to others and just using the time in your life to connect with other people.

Dr. Brian Harris: And then I had to run up to my room to grab something during the break. And I got on the elevator and it was just one guy and me. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to try this. And so I'm like, hey, how's it going, man? And he looked shocked and surprised. And he was like, hey. He's like, things are going great. He's like, I'm here for— I'm here for a bachelor party, having a ton of fun. And just this like 30-second conversation in the elevator, he walks out and he's like, hey, have a great day, man. And it felt so good. I'm like, you know, I could have just sat and looked at my phone and act like I didn't see him, like sometimes we do. And it felt so great. And so then I grabbed something from my room and I got back on the elevator to go back down and another guy jumped in and I'm like, how's it going, man? I'm like, you guys, You know, you having a fun weekend? And he looked up at me and kind of gave me this look like, what are you doing? And kind of looked back down at his phone. So two moments of like taking a risk, total confidence, and then a moment of like, oh, you know, feeling like, feeling stupid for, you know, trying to, trying to start a conversation with somebody.

Dr. Tyler Hales: So anyway, yeah, it's interesting how two responses can affect your confidence, right? The first one, you're like, dude, I could do this all day long because you felt really good afterwards. And then Second one, you're like, I'm never doing this again, right? Because people just take it so differently, right?

Dr. Brian Harris: And I think, I think part of it is you have to get comfortable enough. I think for speaking specifically about confidence, like, you have to be comfortable enough with who you are and, and what you believe in to like to just be yourself in every situation regardless of how somebody's going to respond back. You know, you shouldn't hold back because of, of that fear.

Dr. Tyler Hales: I think that's a great takeaway. I think we allow other people to affect our confidence so much when in reality it's really about we don't truly understand who we are, right? If we understand ourself, that's where true confidence comes from. It's not about how other people are acting.

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, one of the most powerful lines I heard, and I just heard it recently, was You know, what other people think of me is none of my business, right? And it's so true. I think we get so stuck sometimes on, you know, what other people are going to think of us. And the reality is it's none of my business. Like, what they think of me, like, shouldn't affect me, you know? That's their business. That's their opinion only.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, that's true. I like that. Next one, telling a waiter your order is wrong.

Dr. Brian Harris: Oh, I never do this. I never do this. I will eat the wrong— I will eat the wrong thing. Like, I could have ordered steak and they brought me fish and I would just eat the fish. I just— I don't like confrontation. And so, I mean, I think you've got to be— I don't know, that takes— to me, that's like, it seems like you have to have like a level 10 confidence to to complain about food to a waiter.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, I have a hardest time sending it back, and just because I feel bad, right? Like, it's like they did something wrong, they know they did something wrong, you know, but I just want to point it out.

Dr. Brian Harris: Which seems— I mean, I guess it comes down to like your mindset too, because, you know, it could be like I get fish, I'm like, I never order fish, now I have it, let's try it, let's see if I like it, you know. I mean, you could take it You could take it from a place of excitement about life, or you can take it from like, I'm too scared to say something. So I guess it just depends.

Dr. Tyler Hales: All right, how about posting a gym selfie?

Dr. Brian Harris: Oh, I— no, with the— so do you remember when we had that challenge where we were in this group together and we would post every day who worked out and who didn't, and it was to hold each other accountable? I got to a point where I was finding pictures on the internet of other people working out and cropping them to make it look like I was working out just to have you guys think that I was actually doing the workouts when I wasn't.

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, so I mean, you got to be like level 10 confidence, I think, to post a gym selfie.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, I remember when you had a fitness guy come speak to us. But he put— he told you that you— we were gonna post your shirtless picture in front of everyone. That motivated you to get—

Dr. Brian Harris: that was the only time I ever, like, routinely worked out in my life, is when, when I knew that my before and afters were gonna be posted in front of a group of people. I mean, I was motivated.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, I mean, I think— so my wife just recently did a fitness competition, and she spent 4 months prepping for this, this this competition. And to be honest, it was actually incredible to see her confidence grow over the 4 months because she, she did. She like got more definition, muscles got bigger. I mean, she looked probably peak of her life, you know. And I don't think she really recognized the confidence, but I could see it from an outside perspective where just the way she carried herself, she actually like put herself in situations where she would talk more publicly And it was interesting because I told her, I was like, dude, you need to kind of share your journey, right, on social media, because people, people want to see that, people want to know that. And she still didn't do it, right, for whatever reason. But it was cool to see personally how she was able to gain confidence. I mean, physically, if we look better, I think that that is part— grows, grows our confidence.

Dr. Brian Harris: I think some, some of that has to, you You know, it's the physical transformation, and I mean, it relates to, I think, the same way to smiles, right? The physical transformation someone goes through when they have their smile done is like, physically you can see a difference, but it's, you know, it's how that makes them feel and then how they show up in life because of that. And then more doors open, you know, more opportunities are presented to them. And so, you know, oftentimes it's not necessarily, it's not the smile that creates the confidence. It's, it's just that, that belief in themselves, I think, is really what does it.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah. All right, last question: telling people your big goals.

Dr. Brian Harris: Um, I think the, the only reason— yeah, I think you've got to have like a level, level 8 to 9 confidence for that. And, and I think it's because, you know, sometimes we We hold back in telling like our true goals because we don't want people to think we're overly confident or maybe there's that fear of what if I fail. But I think it takes a good amount of self-confidence to be able to believe that you can do something and then speak it out loud to those around you.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah. Yeah, I'm a big believer in like manifesting. Right, and having these big goals. And my team will tell you this, that like I often speak of like my expectations, but one of the things why I think I feel like I've been able to grow so quickly is those expectations for myself. And I truly believe that I can hit these impossible goals, right? Um, and the only way that I can do that is I talk about it, right? And so for me I think it does take a lot of confidence to have those goals, but at the same time, like, the only way I know I can achieve those goals is if I like put it out in the universe or I tell people, because then it's gonna hold me accountable. I think people are afraid to talk about their big goals because they're afraid to fail. But failure, I believe, is only a way to success. Like, we all fail. Every— everybody has to fail at some point, right? And if we don't fail, then we're not trying. Me personally.

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, and I think when you set those unreasonable goals, even when you don't hit them, you're so much further along than you would have been, you know, if you would have just set like a reasonable goal. So I think it's actually something I've always respected about you is you dream big and you, you know, you chase big goals. And I think it's I think it's, uh, it's impressive.

Dr. Tyler Hales: You know, still not at your level, but we're getting there.

Dr. Brian Harris: Oh yeah, right.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Um, when we talk about those impossible goals, right, and, uh, what you've been able to achieve in, in your career, um, what do you feel— what did it cost to really put your name on something that was separate from like Harris Dental and from your family?

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah, I have. I mean, I've been so blessed to be able to have a mentor like my dad who was a very well-respected dentist and very amazing at what, what he did clinically, but also I think more importantly, like what he did with how he treated people. And, and, and both my brothers are amazing dentist, and my youngest brother with his dental lab. You know, I think there's a time in everyone's career though where you have to decide like what the future looks like for you. And I think especially in family businesses, that's tough because not everybody, not everybody in the family business is going to see the world in the same way. And it's actually been a huge blessing because, you know, my dad was always a voice of reason. My brother Scott, you know, same thing, was always kind of, you know, a little bit more level-headed in how he sees the world and how he sets his goals. And so we really kind of balanced each other out. But it was hard. I would say, looking back now, I feel so grateful that they were as patient as they were with me when I wanted to run fast and take risks, maybe when they didn't.

Dr. Brian Harris: They gave me the space to do that. I think both the one who wants to run fast has to understand that that can be a challenge, and those that are partners that maybe want to take things a little bit more slow, need to respect those boundaries too. I guess what I'm saying is I feel grateful in my situation.

Dr. Brian Harris: It worked out great because we all supported each other along the way and we're always trying to be self-conscious or conscious of the fact that we are running at different paces.

Dr. Tyler Hales: You say that there is a time when you felt like you owed it to your dad or your brother to kind of like stick around versus having a confidence to be like having a real conversation with them and be like, hey, like I need to go and do this thing and set me free in a way, right?

Dr. Brian Harris: Yeah. Oh, I did. I felt like I owed it to them because I feel like I did. You know, I think my dad opened a lot of doors for me that wouldn't have been able to be opened if he hadn't done what he did in his career. And my brothers always supported me. And so I did feel this sense of respect and loyalty to them. But then, yeah, it was being able to have those conversations with your business partners saying, "Hey, here's what I'm feeling, here's what I want to do," and just being direct about it, I think, is really important. I think when you hold it in and you don't talk about it, and then you just, you're upset inside about it like that because I've done that too and that can create contention and it's not good for anybody.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, I mean I was in that situation, you know, and we've talked a lot about my journey and in some similar ways we have a similar journey, right? Where I was a part of a partnership and I felt this loyalty to them where I felt like I owed it because my original partner gave me the opportunity to buy into this practice and to start working on cosmetics, going all in on it. And but we started seeing things differently, and I just felt like, oh, I kept trying to like hold on to this dream that I had that wasn't cohesive for everybody, right? Everyone didn't have the same dream, and I, and I kept trying to push it. And every, you know, essentially everyone saw it except for me. Like, everyone told me, you know, you need to go do your own thing, you need to focus on your brand. And I just, I literally was the last one to finally break through. But I had to have that hard conversation where, hey, like, we need, I need to leave, I need to go on my own. And it worked out for me where, you know, we they have their practice now and I was able to build this. But that was honestly one of the hardest confidence ideas that I really didn't know if I could do it, right? Can I go on my own? Can I do only cosmetics? Can I build this practice in Corona del Mar? You know, I felt like it took a long time for me to have my own confidence to be seperate. And it was, it was a hard journey.

Dr. Brian Harris: Maybe that time it took though is, is what you needed too, you know. I think sometimes you have to be, you have to be in it long enough to know for sure that it's what you want to do. And, um, and yeah, it's all part of the, it's all part of the story. Like, I, I think if you hadn't gone through that, I mean, you wouldn't have been able to, to create this. And so You know, I, I think so many partnerships end terribly and they don't need to. You know, it's like if you can create your way into a partnership, I think there's a way to create your way out of it. And sometimes it's not easy for, for both sides, but, but, uh, you know, it can be done for sure.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Well, Brian, appreciate you being here. And, uh, before we go, I wanted to ask you What's the question every interviewer asks you that you're tired of, and what's the question you wish they would ask?

Dr. Brian Harris: I would say the one that everybody asks that I am tired of is probably— maybe not an interview question in a podcast, but the question of like, you know, what hobbies do you have? What do you do outside of work? That one's hard for me because I think you go through different stages in your life. I'm in this stage of my life where I'm like, I'm really enjoying the work and what I do. And so like, I, you know, almost like I'm ashamed to admit, like, I don't have as many hobbies as I used to because I'm, I'm just in a different phase of life. I think, I think the question I wish people would ask more is you know, who are the people that you feel, you know, really lifted you up to be able to get you to this place where you're at now? I think there's people in my life, for example, you know, my wife's a great example of someone who's been super supportive all along the way. My dad's another example. But like my business partners, you know, my team, there's people in my life that have done so much for me that maybe didn't get much of the credit that really deserve it. So I think, I think that would be an interesting question for, for you to ask people is, you know, who, who in your life do you feel kind of deserves most of the credit for where you are that maybe doesn't, doesn't get it, you know? And, and I think they're the ones that really deserve it, you know?

Dr. Tyler Hales: Yeah, we You know, we have to be the face of our brand, right? And, and it's a good place to be, but at the same time, especially in dentistry, we can't do anything without our team, right? Like, I mean, let's talk about veneers, right? We need our lab guy to be able to produce the veneers. Um, we gotta have our assistant to be able to do all this. Like, there is so much behind the scenes that don't get any of the credit. And I like that. And also the networking, like honestly, I think, I mean, I do give you a lot of, a lot of the reason why I'm here is because of you, you know. And I think that that's why I wanted you to come on this podcast, was people to be able to see how your brain works and how our relationship is so much back and forth and understanding and working through problems and solutions.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Solutions, um, because it is— it can be impactful, and it takes so many people for us to see that success. But a lot of times they only give this success to one person, for sure.

Dr. Brian Harris: It feels selfish, you know, and it happens to me all the time where I'm like, man, I should, I should give more credit to, to my team. I should give more credit to my ceramist, like you said, you know, where it's like, yeah, they're, they're a big part of this process too. Um, so yeah, those— thank you for asking that. That made me— now I'm feeling guilty. I feel like I need to go message them and tell them how much I appreciate them.

Dr. Tyler Hales: Well, good. I'm gonna go message them too. But Brian, it's a pleasure having you on this podcast, flying out, uh, from Phoenix to Newport Beach, and hopefully you get to spend some time on the beach today and the good weather. Before you go, let me bring this all together. 3 things Brian said today that I can't stop thinking about. First, confidence is internal. 2 elevators, same building. And what changed wasn't the room, it was what he walked in carrying. Nobody hands you that. You build it and you bring it with you. Second, what other people think of you is none of your business. This is a guy who got called a real-life Bart Simpson in middle school. A guy who admitted to use to crop photos off the internet to look like he was in the gym. The most confident people you follow were faking it longer than you think. The difference is they keep going anyways. And third, real confidence gives the credit away. When I asked Brian the question he wished people would ask, he didn't talk about himself. He talked about his team, his wife, his dad. The people who actually carry you don't need the spotlight to know they matter, but say it out loud anyways. So here's the work this week. Next time you catch yourself managing what someone else thinks of you, remember Brian. None of your business.